Co-Counselor Vlad Sets Up the Scene

by Kieran Collier

So there I am, chilling in my car waiting for the red
to stop being red, and you know, I’m checking my phone,
minding my own business, and this deer runs out from the woods
and throws itself right at the passenger side door
like I’m an answer to its prayers and it dents the fuck
outta the thing, and I’m all like “I can’t get your insurance
information, how the fuck am I supposed to pay for this shit?”
and the deer doesn’t say anything because, you know,
it’s just a deer, and now the light is turning green
but there’s this dead deer right next to me and so much red
and if this mother fucker came from the other side
I’d be dead—but I’m not, I’m in this broke ass car
and I gotta cancel all my plans, tell this cute girl
I can’t mack on her cause now I gotta drive to the garage
and I had a 30-rack all ready to go after dealing
with these kids all day but NO, I don’t get no love
from this Dude up in the sky and now they’re leaking
in the backseat and now my moms is driving
me to my summer job and now I’m 23, man, that’s not cool
at all, I’m never gonna get out of this town, not with
a busted door and a minimum wage job and a dead deer
looking right at my eyes like it knows something I don’t.
I mean, shit, man. What’s a guy gotta do?

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